1. While fast food is known to make those fat rolls grow, it can actually make your brain shrink. Studies have shown that diets high in trans fat are linked to the same brain shrinkage associated with Alzheimer’s disease. So if you find yourself wandering the streets pantless and completely unaware of your surroundings, it was probably your value meal dinner that got you there, and at the ripe old age of 26 no less.
2. Strawberry milkshakes from McDonald’s and Dairy Queen contain more chemicals than a conventional fertilizer. Up to 50 chemicals – some of which are found in perfumes – are mostly contained in the strawberry flavoring. This doesn’t mean you should treat your lawn to strawberry milkshakes, though, unless you want to bring all the boys to your yard.
3. Nearly 90 percent of America’s children eat fast food on a monthly basis, and one-third of children visit these foods on a daily basis. Mix that fast food fact with the startling statistic that fast food children gain six more pounds each year than they should, multiply that by the 15 or so years they eat it under your mcrib, mcrib sandwichwatch, and congratulations, you’re the reason your fat kid gets bullied at school and loses his breath walking up a small flight of stairs.
4. The McRib doesn’t have any rib bones in it, thankfully. That’s because it’s “restructured meat product” made from pig innards, tripe, heart, and scalded stomach. Then it’s doused in salt. These parts are blended with more salt and water solution to help act as glue to keep the meat mixture together. That’s why the McRib seems virtually indestructible. Oh, and it contains 70 ingredients, one of which is azodicarbonamide, a flour-bleaching agent used in the production of foamed plastics like yoga mats. Yum.
5. A certain popular Mexican fast food chain’s (Taco Bell) Fiesta Taco Salad (with beef) has more grams of fat than 16 average Boston crème pies. That’s 42 grams of fat…in a damn salad. Good thing you saved room for dessert.
6. Fast food hamburgers must be processed in the Fountain of Youth, because after 14 years one man’s salvaged McDonald’s burger reportedly hadn’t aged a day or grown moldy/smelly in the least bit. What’s their secret to ageless beauty? Creating “food” with a shelf life longer than nonperishable canned goods from the Y2K scare. That’s their secret. It’s almost like it’s not even food at all.
7. When you order a Quarter Pounder (or something similar at other fast food chains), what you’re really getting is a quarter pound of additives. Enjoy your healthy portion of sand, lanolin – made from raw wool – and castoreum, which is an extract made from the anal secretions of beaver, in case you were wondering.
8. Traces of fecal matter have been found in fast food fountain soda. So the next time you’re enjoying a fountain Coke with a friend and think it’d be too mean to shit in their drink when they go to grab some napkins, just know that someone, somewhere, already did it for you. Let the pointing and laughing ensue.
9. Taco Bell meat is sealed with freshness inside a plastic bag, but luckily only 36 percent of it is actual beef, so there’s no cause for concern about it getting too spoiled.
10. McDonald’s is the number one producer of beef in the U.S. A single fast food hamburger can contain beef from up to 100 different cattle. So if you love animals and fast food, just imagine driving down the road eating a 600-calorie hamburger as your car runs over several dozen cows. It’s a nice thought.
11. One standard combo meal at a fast food restaurant contains all the calories you need for an entire day. So even if that doesn’t fill you up, you better not eat much more or you’re fucked. Fucked, I say!
12. Subway edged out McDonald’s as the world’s largest restaurant chain. Their chicken and bread contains a few more ingredients than you imagine. Why the hell is molasses in my chicken? And what the hell is gum arabic? But the best part is how they bold their type that this ingredient contains soy. Not Soy! Oh God!