Infatuation is one of the illest feelings when a relationship is new. You can’t wait to see your new boo, get a call or a text, or a surprise lunch date. But then, after three months or so, you feel like, maybe, your dude is pulling away. They don’t call as much, so you call more. They don’t call back right away, so 30 minutes later you’re sending them a text wondering why they haven’t answered your calls. You show up at their door (even if they live a hour-and-a-half away) unannounced to treat them to breakfast. You question why they’re not answering the home phone, and drive by their crib to see if their car is there. All the while, you feel crazy and desperate, but you can’t stop.
They are becoming your obsession, and the more you push, the more they will pull away. ”Most obsessive relationships don’t last. The partner of the obsessive love frequently becomes tired of [the other’s] overwhelming needs” says Monique Belton, PhD, co-author of The Essential Guide to Overcoming Obsessive Love.
Dr. Belton gives us some red flags that you can identify in either yourself or your partner. These are called “Obsession Alerts”…..
Immediate Physical Attraction
Obsessive lovers often rush into a sexual relationship before developing an emotional bond with their partner. Because of that physical intensity, they think there’s an emotional bond, say Dr. Belton.
Practicing How Your Names Sounds Together
The non-obsessed consider the possibility of a future, while the potential bunny-boiler has already made up their minds that THIS IS IT! ”The obsessive partner has already determined that this is his/her one and only love who will be his partner for life and beings to make plans for the future. There is no room for doubt,” says Dr. Belton.
Obsessive people don’t respect privacy. They run through your phone contacts and will even call friends and relatives to gather information about you. ”This behavior can begin within days or weeks of the start of a relationship or may not show up until some event, such as becoming engaged or going away to school, triggers the obsessive feelings.”
You aren’t able to function–get out of bed, go to work or hang out with friends–until you’ve had some kind of contact with your significant other. You stay in bed and mope until they call or comes to see you. Until they do, it’s drapes closed, pajamas, and movies all day while.
They Don’t Want You to Hang Out with Friends Anymore
Outsiders are a threat to a girl or guy who is obsessed. If your boyfriend just wants to go play ball on Saturday morning instead of cuddling in bed with you, then his buddies become the enemy. ”Obsessive lovers often manipulate situations to keep their partner to themselves.”
There’s No Trust
If you can’t get it out of your mind that your significant other is cheating on you and you keep accusing them of having phantom encounters with random people, you might need to have some serious introspection. Dr. Belton says that this kind of jealously develops as time goes on.
Forcing the L-word
It’s been a few months and the more you get involved and “I love you’s” have been exchanged, you make them say it EVERY TIME you talk, especially if it’s a phone call. If they doesn’t say, “I love you too, Snookkums!” you immediately think they don’t love you anymore, or their with another person.
If you recognize yourself in this list, you might need to step back and think about what emotional feelings of insecurity or low self-esteem that is fueling this behavior. Otherwise, it will keep happening and you’ll keep wondering why you’re always getting dumped.