During the first decade of the new millennium, people had a lot of trouble keeping it in their pants, in their bras, and off of videotape. Cheaters, abusers, and other lewd activity-perpetrators ran rampant. Without further ado, here are the top 10 sex scandals of 2000 – 2009.
1. Tiger Woods & Jamie Jungers
2. Tiger Woods & Rachel Uchitel
3. Tiger Woods & Jaimee Grubbs
4. Tiger Woods & Kalika Moquin
5. Tiger Woods & Mindy Lawton
6. Tiger Woods & Cori Rist
7. Tiger Woods & Holly Sampson
8. Tiger Woods & Joslyn James
9. Tiger Woods & Loredana Jolie
10. Tiger Woods & Julie Postle
Honorable Mentions: Tiger Woods & Theresa Rogers, Tiger Woods & Unidentified cocktail waitress, Tiger Woods & Unidentified British TV presenter, Tiger Woods & Unidentified “sex-addicted cougar”
… Just kidding! Here’s the real list:
10 – Paris Hilton Sex Tape
In 2004 (back when leaked sex tapes were still a surprise) Paris Hilton’s ex-boyfriend Rick Salomon released footage of the pair having intimate relations. Hilton sued Salomon for making the tape public, but eventually settled out of court. The video, entitled “1 Night in Paris,” went on to claim the title of most rented release of 2005 and catapulted Paris Hilton’s already undeserved fame to even greater heights.
9 – Bill O’Reilly Sued For Sexual Harassment
A former producer of his show sued Bill O’Reilly for sexual harassment in 2004, alleging that he spoke to her about sexual fantasies, masturbation, and vibrators while sometimes seeming to pleasure himself. O’Reilly countersued for extortion, and the case was eventually settled out of court for an undisclosed amount. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy!
8 – Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick Caught Exchanging Explicit Text Messages With Staffer
Sexting: Not just for tweens anymore. In early 2008 the Detroit Free Press revealed the existence of more than 14,000 text messages between Kilpatrick and his chief of staff Christine Beatty. Kilpatrick and Beatty, both married to other people at the time, used their city-issued phones to communicate in graphic detail about about their affair. This, combined with Kilpatrick’s many legal troubles, led him to step down as mayor. For his other crimes – including obstruction of justice and assaulting a police officer – he faces 120 days in prison and 5 years of probation. Not sexy.
7 – Nipplegate
During the halftime show for Super Bowl XXXVIII in February of 2004, Justin Timberlake sang “I’m gonna have ya naked by the end of this song” during his duet with Janet Jackson. Apparently he meant it, because when he ripped off part of her bodice, Janet’s breast was revealed to the world (except for a strategically covered nipple). Nipplegate gave us the term “wardrobe malfunction,” and MTV, which co-produced the show alongside CBS, was banned from ever producing a halftime show again. To top it all off, CBS was fined a record $550,000 for indecency by the FCC.
6 – Mark Sanford “Hikes The Appalachian Trail”
The South Carolina governor had not been seen in public for some time in mid-2009 when his staff told media outlets Sanford was “hiking on the Appalachian Trail.” Apparently by “hiking” they meant “visiting his ‘soul mate’ Argentinian mistress.” An honest mistake, we’re sure. Sanford’s infidelity was ultimately exposed, leading him to apologize during a rambling, teary-eyed press conference. Flying in the face the political wives’ “stand by your man” code of honor, Jenny Sanford has since filed for divorce.
5 – Tiger Woods Cheats On His Wife … A Lot
A late-night car accident over Thanksgiving weekend 2009 drew intense media scrutiny, leading to the revelation that Tiger had cheated on wife Elin with 14 different women (and counting). With all that’s been written about the golfer lately, there isn’t a whole lot left to say to Tiger except … C’mon son!
4 – Larry Craig “Has A Wide Stance” In Airport Bathroom
Craig was arrested in 2007 for lewd conduct when he sought sex from a male undercover officer in a Minneapolis airport bathroom using well-known solicitation signals. Craig insisted upon his innocence, stating that he merely had a “wide stance” and that he had been picking up a piece of paper from the floor. This was of course the same Larry Craig who in 1989 pushed for more severe punishment of Representative Barney Frank for his involvement in a gay prostitution scandal.
3 – R. Kelly Charged With Child Pornography
R. Kelly has been roiled by several sex scandals. In 1995, he reportedly married the then 15-year-old Aaliyah, for whom he was a songwriter. The marriage was ultimately annulled, but that wasn’t the last we heard of Kelly’s alleged affinity for the Miley Cyrus set. In 2002, he was indicted on several counts of child pornography after a video was released of a man – purported to be him – having sex with an underage girl. His case finally went to trial in 2008, with the jury ruling Kelly not guilty on all 14 counts. The ill-advisedly self-described “Pied Piper of R&B” has since gone on to make more hit music, apparently forgiven by all his fans.
2 – Kobe Bryant Accused Of Rape
In the summer of 2003 NBA superstar Kobe Bryant was arrested for the rape of a 19-year old hotel employee in Colorado. Bryant admitted to an adulterous sexual encounter with his accuser, but denied the assault allegation. The case was dropped after the accuser declined to testify in the trial, and a civil suit was settled out of court. Kobe lost several endorsement deals, but was able purchase his wife’s forgiveness with a $4 million diamond ring. Basketball fans are also back on his side thanks to his role in leading the Lakers to an NBA Championship in 2009.
1 – Priests In Catholic Church Sexually Abuse Young Boys
In 2001, the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops commissioned a study that found that four percent of all priests who served in the U.S. from 1950 to 2002 faced some sort of sexual misconduct accusation. The Church was criticized when it emerged that some bishops had known about abuse allegations and failed to report them to police, instead merely reassigning accused priests. There are obviously about a million things wrong with this entire situation, but the sheer number of people affected and the church’s supposed position as a moral beacon combine to make this the biggest and most shocking sex scandal of the decade.
