Happy New Year to you all. My name is Dick Shittman and I’m sure you could care less. Normally I would be eager to recap the last 12 months or even the last 3,650 days, but we just got back from the future and boy are things going get interesting for rap. How did I do that you ask? Well, with my Delorian, silly. So, rather than recap the last 10 years allow me to shine my crystal balls and give you a glimpse of what next 10 years and beyond has in store for us rap folks.
In 2020 Jay Electronica will release the highly anticipated single Exhibit Z, followed by his debut album, Z what I mean
In 2019 DJ Whoo Kid will lose his voice after a night of campaigning for Wyclef and his run for the Haitian presidency; leaving his mixtapes with only gunshots for adlibs.
In 2019, The Alchemist son, The Wallychemist will find his father’s old ASR beat machine and reintroduce the concept of sampling to much success.
In 2015, 50 Cent will buy the rights to the music of Nas, Rick Ross, The Beatles and Pretty Lou of Lost Boys fame…the latter will be the most lucrative investment since Vitamin Water.
In 2014, Foxy Brown will be the 50th woman to confess to having had an affair with Tiger Woods…she will be the 1st and only African American to do so.
In 2018, the son of a very shitty rapper today will be the greatestMC of his generation.
In 2017, Hip-Hop’ first successful gay rapper will be a street rapper who after a shoot out leaves 9 dead and 2 sodimized…he is acquitted on self defense.
In 2013 Freeway, Rick Ross and Tek will start a super group call ZZ Trap.
In 2016 a female rapper, daughter of a famous producer, will be labeled hip-hop’s next Lauren Hill…but a sex change will make her the 1st Larry Hill.
In 2014 Ja-Rule will attempt to reconcile with 50 Cent at an LA Restaurant, while Ashton Kutcher and his camera crew hide in a trailer recording everything.
In 2014 the Fugees will reunite for a 1 night only concert and everyone except Praz will show up.
In 2011, fearing their slim jean style is to over exposed, Surfer body suits will be the new fashion trend with hipsters in 2011…
Fearing that body suits are played out and too popular, Hipsters will now paint jeans on…one leg at a time.
In 2017 After winning his 6th championship in a row, Lebron James will try his hand at professional sock hockey to much success.
In 2018 Kobe Bryant will be acquitted of his 3rd rape case.
In 2019 Soulja Boy will be appointed president of Interscope records,much to the dismay of Jimmy Iovine
In 2045 @Buckwild, the last surviving member, will start a collective of young producer/MC’s called D.I.T.Drives.
In 2050 a very frail & spanish speaking Tupac Shakur will be found in a small town 10miles north of Havana after the United States lifts its embargo.
In 2020, Common will win an Emmy for playing Sticky Fingaz in Bacdufuccup: The Onyx Story
In 2021 Will.I.AM will produce the first platinum release by a mime.