Relationship goals are a thing in today’s zeitgeist. Whether it be romantic or self-relationships, millennials are adamantly pushing the topic. While most of the millennial generation grew up in a sans-social media environment, it is still challenging for some to cultivate meaningful relationships outside of social media. Millennials are savvy when posting content on popular platforms about relationships, but there’s a disconnect when it comes to actually practicing what they post.
Danisha Baughan is cognizant of the gap between millennials and substantial relationships. After hosting an informal open relationship forum for loved ones in her Bronx living room, Baughan, who has a clinical background, got the idea to birth Conveaux – a life and relationships wellness company that aims to address and solve relationship barriers for both couples and singles. Through Conveaux, Baughan hosts events like “Chat N Chew,” which allows couples and singles to get together and participate in discussions, skill-building exercises, plus more.
In an interview with HelloBeautiful, Baughan gives insight into Conveaux, the leading cause for failed relationships, and a possible connection between social media and unsuccessful relationships.
HB: Describe the moment when you got the idea to birth Conveaux?
DB: I was having an intimate pillow talk conversation with my ex about dating and relationships in this era and the common complaints amongst our generation. I told him how millennials run to social media to vent and argue/point fingers going in endless circles, but very few of us are actually digging for solutions or doing the real work to progress. In this same conversation, I decided we should have a get-together with a few family and friends over food and beverage to discuss topics that prevent thriving relationships in the black community.
We hosted the gathering a week later in my living room, calling it Chat N Chew. We presented six topics to the 20 friends and family, which consisted of couples and singles, along with some fun skill-building activities as icebreakers for when the discussions got heated. Everyone loved the dynamics of this gathering so much they didn’t want it to end. The feedback was unanimous that Chat N Chew was very engaging and therapeutic yet comforting and beneficial.
HB: Do you think there’s a connection between social media and unsuccessful relationships for millennials?
DB: Social media has been a gift and curse for millennial relationships. Relationship Goals have been the greatest demise to authentic, healthy, thriving relationships. The misleading narrative of “Relationship Goals” is about as detrimental as Disney movie love stories have been to our upbringing. Social media forces us to aim for false realities and standards when it comes to relationships and stray far away from learning ourselves and our true individualized needs and desires. It breeds a competitive nature of whose relationship can “look” the best as opposed to actually being the best off-camera. And on the flip side, social media also glamorizes reckless dating and toxic relationship behaviors as the answer to self-empowerment and freedom of choice when it comes to relationship building. The curated relationship-building narratives on social media continue to distract us from what’s most important – doing the work that continues to be avoided.
HB: When dealing with your clients, what seems to be the leading cause when it comes to failed relationships?
DB: This was the code I JUST recently cracked. MISALIGNMENT is by far the leading cause of failed relationships. Notice I didn’t say incompatibility – because many of us are compatible on so many levels and can STILL be misaligned as a romantic couple. I’ve had clients who got together or got married because they “had so much in common” and mistook commonalities for love and alignment. Things like cultural understandings, education levels, career levels, similar recreational interests, and even lifestyle similarities like having or not having children already. Many of my clients embarked on a relationship or marriage because of having these things in common but never really taking the time to measure their true and authentic alignment.
This misalignment mainly goes unnoticed because people are not in tune with their authentic selves. Most people have not done the active work to learn themselves, separate from societal norms, before they get into a relationship. This is why I created Conveaux cards AND the Conveaux Alignment app with the compatibility calculator and optimizer tools. Both products dig deeper into the subconscious, helping to better align people as they learn more about themselves.
HB: A lot of people these days are looking for that special person but can’t seem to find the right fit. What services or advice do you offer those who come to you with this issue?
DB: I always suggest that people attend Conveaux events or others like it first to be in the setting where others are seeking a potential love interest and secondly to learn what it is they are seeking in the first place. Many people don’t even know what they’re looking for when searching for that special person; they look aimlessly and often overlook what they may need.
Conveaux events bring a level of awareness to all attendees that they previously had trouble unlocking. Even if someone doesn’t find what they’re looking for at the events, people have reported becoming more aware of themselves, their true needs and attracting better options.
HB: Can you elaborate on some of the self-practices you recommend for your clients?
DB: The self-practice I recommend most with Conveaux clients and even via my social advocacy is the holistic practice of mental, physical, and spiritual wellness techniques to support with optimal relationship health, no matter if the client is single or a couple. Self-care and wellness are vital to obtain and maintain a healthy relationship; we first need a healthy relationship with ourselves to operate a healthy relationship with someone else.
Through Conveaux, I recommend participating in consistent therapy or coaching sessions, getting active, whether that means working out or yoga or even walking for minutes daily in addition to nutritional discipline, and also spiritual cleansing practices like meditation, sound bath, reiki, and journaling all combined to support with the holistic work many relationship practices are missing.
For more information on Conveaux’s services and events, click here.