Drake is frankly the most moist rapper this generation has ever seen. He’s totally in touch with his feminine side, and isn’t afraid to express his emotions. His vulnerability has gotten so bad I can no longer ignore it. You missed any of these estrogen-filled moments…?
#WordEyeHeard Presents: Drake’s Top 5 Most Moist Moments
5. The Aaliyah Tattoo
Drake’s obsession with Aaliyah is no secret. Many of us still hold the beloved singer near and dear to our hearts. I won’t judge you if you still have your favorite pic of Aaliyah on your wall. But Drake has taken this creepy love for someone he never dated way too far.
The duet song “Enough Said” was bad enough. But this fool wanted to permanently express his love. So what did he do? Get a tattoo. Of Aaliyah’s face.
But oh, he didn’t stop there. In the moist moment of the month, Drake added more ink. This time, Aaliyah’s birthday (1-16), which doubles as his native area code (416):
Let me get this straight. You were 14 when Aaliyah died, and 12 years later, you want to do a duet album, and get her FACE on your BACK.
This is a moist moment, because you have no problem immortalizing your wet dreams, thus broadcasting to the world that you were a virgin until six months ago.
4. The Note to Chris Brown
The whole thing is over, they’ve both been sued, put out music videos, and moved on. THEN, ladies and gentlemen, we learned what started the entire fight.
Drake had a note sent over to Chris Brown that night in the club. What did it allegedly say?
I’m f*cking the love of your life.
You know Chris Brown already stated that “that’s my p*&^y,” so why are you starting ish? Furthermore, what kind of 7th grader still passes notes? What happened to “you gone mess around and make me catch a body like that?” Lil Wayne must have written those lyrics for you.
I bet Drake was in the middle of writing another note:
Would you like to fight? [yes box] [no box] [maybe box]
Drake, this is such a moist moment, because everybody know the correct way to display your gangster in 2013 is by putting it on Twitter. Instead of sending notes, just stick to trying to sing them.
3. “Marvin’s Room”
Do I even need to explain? Aubrey Drake Graham made an entire song hating on his ex-girl’s new man.
F*ck that n!gga that you think you found…
And if that’s not moist enough, he used an actual phone recording of an ex-girlfriend asking him “are you drunk right now?”
Oh no, Drake wasn’t done. He goes on to tell his ex, who has clearly moved on,
I’m just sayin, you can do better.
What kind of a grown ass man calls his ex, whether in real life or on a song, to hate on her new relationship? This is some true cake batte, cupcake, birthday cake remix confetti cake moistness.
Drake, this is such a moist moment, because if you learned anything from Lil Kim, it should’ve been that hating gets you nowhere.
2. The Elliot Wilson Interview
Drake stopped by East Village Radio to talk to Elliot Wilson about his music, the drama, and more. But it’s the things he said about Chris Brown that cause his moistness.
Elliot asked Drake about how he feels when Breezy is interviewed and his name comes up. First Drake says
Leave that man alone…stop preying on his insecurities…
Then he continues….
…I make better music than him…I’m more poppin than him…and at one point in life, the woman that he loves fell into my lap, I did what a real n!gga would do and treated her with respect…
I know what you’re thinking. Thuglife! Drake is so real for that!
Drake would be real for that if:
1. He never came out with his second album, Take Care (trash)
2. He did a few more sit-ups
3. Rihanna didn’t go back to Chris Brown.
Drake, I see you out here doing that tough talk about Rihanna, but if you “did what a real n!gga would do,” Rihanna must looove her some fake dudes, cause you lost.
This is a major moist moment, because Drake falls in love with every heaux he has a transaction with. And Rihanna has quite the friendly vagina. You can’t brag on bagging a chick if she goes back to your fellow waffle-colored man.
1. “Girls Love Beyonce”
While Drizzy’s new single isn’t an ode to Beyonce (we all know he loves Aaliyah way more, see #5), it’s still pitiful. As my assistant StickerWoods said, this song possesses “moistness of a Seattle day.”
Of course he’s singing in that one tone he sings in, but what sends the moistness over the top is the screwed up sample of sorts.
Who told you it was a good idea to have this man sing the hook to Destiny’s Child’s “Say My Name?”
I question the sexuality of anyone with a penis who likes this song.
Drake is always showing his love for heauxs, he can’t even help it. In the song, he says:
Say my name, say my name/ Cause those other men are practice….
I know you have a lot of sex with a lot of different men, but will you puh-lease let them know that I’m your man? Please?
Drake, you’re about as moist as a suburban teenage girl who sits front row at a Justin Bieber concert. You don’t just love these heauxs, you save them, wife them, and make depressing music about them.
Are we sure he isn’t gay….?
I’m lilD, and that’s the Word Eye Heard. Let the slander begin…