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Amidst online conversations with readers over yesterday’s post 5 Common Mistakes Men Make Sexually That Turn Women Off, I found that many women could relate to the “are we there yet” point in the article.  A personal bedroom pet peeve of mine, I remember becoming extremely frustrated with my partner at the time who would constantly ask me if I had an orgasm when I clearly had yet to reach that heavenly climax. And it wasn’t just one partner. I’ve seen men have damn near panic attacks because they were obsessed with the thought of making this woman climax as opposed to living in the moment. It’s perfectly normal to be somewhat fixated on the sexual satisfaction of your partner I suppose, but the repeat questions can turn a woman right off in a millisecond.

Recently a light bulb was set off in my head and it occurred to me that a large number of men are as in the dark about female orgasms as women are about why they leave the toilet seat up.

How did I deal with the broken record of a man who was probably ready to give up and out? Well after a few…”not yet”, I pushed an “emergency escape button”….

Disclaimer: The emergency escape button is not to be used on a regular or consistent basis. If you use this more than once a month or rather once a year, re-evaluate the relationship you are in!

I faked it! There is not one woman I’ve met who hasn’t had to resort to emergency measures at one point in her sex life. And the myth that a faked orgasm means a lackluster love life is far from the truth. I believe that an orgasm is rooted in mental stimulation. We all have rough days, emotionally trying moments in life and the mental and physical don’t always communicate the way they should. In this case for the purpose of saving an ego and to build confidence in my partner (or just to shut him up), I resorted to emergency measures…I took one for the team. Now I’ll be honest, this person is not in my life at the moment and won’t be ever again, but the boost of confidence helped enhance our bedroom experience at that time. Over time the repetitive questions ceased as I communicated exactly what I wanted, which was less question asking and more exploration. Like I always say in the bedroom we are all teachers and students collectively.

Isn’t faking an orgasm dishonest? It is, especially if it’s being done on a regular basis, there is no way around that. However a faked orgasm shouldn’t necessarily be seen as a cover up but more as a stepping stone. What can I do better to help my partner please me? How can I communicate my needs to him better? Should I be doing some more self-exploration? Is this relationship right for us?


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