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If there’s one thing I have zero tolerance for, it’s sexting. Asking me to send you a picture when I just met you two hours ago is a surefire way to get your number deleted. I have no interest in sending my lady parts to a stranger for the viewing pleasure of him or his friends so that one day when I try to make something of my life that picture comes back to haunt me and my career is over (dramatic I know). But there’s an even bigger issue that has traumatized me from the world of sexting: the dreaded, unsolicited penis pic.

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, worse than seeing a text pop up from a guy you like only to randomly be greeted by his mini-me.  It’s not so much the lack of aesthetic appeal that bothers me, although that does play into it some, it always seems to be the weirdos you shouldn’t have given your number to in the first place that think sending a pic of their little man is going to woo you. Um, no thanks. And even when it comes to men you do like, sharing pics is all good if you’re into it, but at the very least, give me a heads up (pun intended). From the moment you send a man any type of suggestive photo he thinks it’s open season to flood your inbox with penis pics and that’s why I’m not going there in the first place.

Because I’ve virtually weaved all d*ick pic-ing out of my life, my entertainment now comes from friends. Literally in the past week I’ve received at least two picture messages with the text DO NOT RESPOND TO THIS THREAD and I already knew what it was. Sure enough when the pic downloaded I was looking at a forwarded photo of some man who had never met me a day in his life, yet here I was staring at his member while my friend and I scrutinized length, width, pigmentation, and any other characteristic we could squeeze out of a low-res jpg on a smart phone. SMH. Any wonder why I don’t sext? If women are sharing pictures of men’s privates there’s no way a photo I send some man is really “just for me, baby.”

But the worst pics have come from another friend of mine who seems to have a knack for men who like to make repeated below the belt picture violations. I’ll never forget the day she sprung a penis photo of a man who appeared to have vitiligo on me. In everyday life no one cares if you have a skin condition that causes you to lose pigmentation. In the sexting world, you need to preface a picture of a two-tone penis with an explanation. Then there was the photo of the man she literally labeled “toddler penis” that essentially made me say, if you’re working with something that small you need to keep that to yourself and pray that when it comes down to do the deed you won’t get turned away. I mean the last thing you want to do is photo yourself out of sex. Then there was another “gentleman” who trumped everyone else when he sent much more than a photo. Trust me, there’s nothing like an unsolicited video of a man pleasing himself to ruin your entire morning. And just to clarify, none of these men were her boyfriend, and she couldn’t have known them for more than a couple of months, if that. And unfortunately, the ages ranged from 20s to early thirties. Gag me.

So, with unsolicited package pic-ing being nearly unanimously deemed undesirable by women, why do men still do it?! It must have something to do with the fact that most men want women to send them photos so they think, well of course she wants one from me too. Trust me, women will let you know if they want it. The other problem is they’re not reading because if they were they would know to think before they send, because what this writer says will happen if a man sends an unrequested pic is absolutely, 100% the truth:

  • Initially, sexting pictures of your penis will frighten and upset her.
  • Her anger will turn into her mocking you and your penis.
  • Be prepared to have your sext forwarded to her girlfriends for judgment.

In other words, just don’t do it.

Have you had any unsolicited package pic-ing drama? Do you prefer to send or receive sexts or are you against it altogether?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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