Chris Brown has definitely become a sucka for love. Or good box.
Rihanna must have that Erykah Badu in her pants.
We here at the Word Eye Heard can no longer ignore Breezy’s cries for help. So…..
The #WordEyeHeard Presents: Top 5 Women Chris Brown Should Date Next
5. Terri (“Barbershop”)
This angry, bitter black woman is just what young Chris needs to get back on his feet. She has a job, a bad attitude, and a loud mouth.
She’s a barber, so she can maintain those obnoxious designes he wants in his head…
And speaking of hair, the similarities don’t stop there! These two are a match made in hair Heaven! Look at those blonde cuts on both:
And like some dumb blondes, they both seemingly enjoy dysfunctional relationships. However, Terri needs someone to save her, and you know Chris likes playing Superman.
Chris, you should date Terri, because while you pride yourself on tearing women down, she’s already so bitter that there’s no more damage to be done.
She’s wearing one of Lebron James’ headbands to cover up her lacefront; you think she’s worried about you cheating?
4. Precious (“Precious”)
This relationship is perfect! I know what you’re thinking; someone with Chris Brown’s good looks wouldn’t be caught dead dating someone like Precious. Besides the fact that she looks like my Uncle Bruce and her voice is deeper than Tone Loc’s, she has HIV. (Sorry if you never got to the end of the movie to find that out.)
But…Chris likes his women in shape, right? We all know Precious can run and keep up with the best of them. You saw her run with that chicken!
Besides the fact that she’s in shape, she also has no self-esteem. Would you feel good about yourself if your mama looked like this??
Chris, you should date Precious, because when you dump her for someone else, it won’t hurt her that much. She has 2 kids by her daddy, AND she has HIV; you think she has time to cry over losing you??
3. Cleo (“Set It Off”)
Cleo was a baaaad girl! She robbed banks, smoked cigarettes, and carried more than a few firearms. She would bring so much to a relationship with Chris Brown.
First off, we all know Chris Brown is a Twitter Thug, so Cleo would provide him with real street cred. She shot the police!
Well…they killed her after, but still…she shot a couple of them!
Not to mention, she can double as Chris’ girlfriend and bodyguard. You remember how his face looked after the whole bottle-throwing incident with Drake in the club? That would’ve never happened with Cleo by his side.
Chris, you should date Cleo, because we all know you can’t stay faithful. But she likes women, so if you let her watch, I’m sure she wouldn’t mind.
Okay, you might have to let her join in.
2. Keisha (“Belly”)
First off, let’s go ahead and state the obvious; this girl is BAD!
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way…
I tend to believe one of the reasons Chris Brown is having so much trouble with women is because he has yet to cross over into the dark side.
I don’t know why Breezy keeps dating these light bright women. If he has children with Rihanna, they’ll come out clear. Boy, get some dark meat on your team! You know what they say…
Once you go black, you stop being WACK!
Keisha was a ride or die chick. She knew her man was cheating, and still stood by him.
I DON’T KNOW NO F*CKIN KEYANA!!!
This girl looks good by your side, and she’ll let you cheat? SCORE!
Chris, you should date Keisha, because if she yells at you and pissed you off and you and you try to fight her, she’ll BEAT YOUR ASS!
Yup. She will.
1. Dashiki (“Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood”)
With her poise, gracefulness, and 7 kids, this girl is so perfect for Chris Brown.
We all know Chris Brown is a freak, and with her address at 6969 Penetration Ave, we all know how Dashiki gets down.
Yea. Hot Sauce on the toes.
Anywho, since Chris Brown is so lost in Rihanna’s box, and we ALL know Rihanna’s box has been opened by more than a few men, Dashiki can fill the void of the big, empty hole Chris is used to.
Dashiki is also used to younger men; her old boyfriend Ashtray was so young, he was older than his father!
Chris, you should date Dashiki, because you 2 will really bond over the arts.
Since you like making poetry about love, Dashiki has a special poem for you:
You think Dashiki is gonna let Chris Brown just walk all over her?
I’m lilD, and that’s the Word Eye Heard. If lovin’ Chris is wrong….what am I saying; OF COURSE IT’S WRONG!
Check out lilD’s #WordEyeHeard Radio Sat 9am-12/Sun 10am-1!