7 Jobs For Chris Brown After He "Retires"

You heard the man, Chris Brown, no relation to Bobby (except for related f**kery) has been hinting at retirement after the release of his next album. While we at The Urban Daily may believe that about as far as we could throw Rihanna…out of a Lambo, we don’t wanna see the brother caught with his pants down…again. So in the spirit of concern for our fellow man, we’ve come up with a list of gigs Chris could breeze through after his early retirement from the R&B game.

Vocal Coach

Let’s face it, underneath all the meltdowns mayhem and bow ties, the boy can blow. You don’t get over in the public eye without some kinda talent. Ask R. Kelly.

Dance Studio Owner

Whether he dismantling dance floors or ducking DUIs, nobody dances quite like Breezy!

Tattoo Artist

Dude has a Top Gun fighter jet tatted across his stomach like he’s about that thug life. I mean c’mon… he had to learn something.

Hair Stylist

Want to stand out in a lineup or stand out in a line-up or blend in at a Eminem show 10 years ago, Color By Breezy is the way to go!

MMA Instructor

Need to learn close-quarter combat or self defense against dangerous windows, Drake, and Frank Ocean? Chris Brown puts the CB in ComBat.

Anger Management Coach

I mean c’mon… he had to learn something in those classes his probation forced him to sit through.

Relationship Counselor

What’s better to get you in a relationship, and out, and in another, and out and in, and out, than the Breezy method? The advertising writes itself.

Publicist

Think about it, if you had to deal with a talent who delivers every dumb move and fashion faux paus possible… wouldnt you want somebody with experience? After all… he had to have learned something, right?