Last night writer and host of “This Week In Blackness” Elon James White (@elonjames) started a tongue and swollen cheek discussion about the sex lives of “Street Fighter” video game characters that went so far off the rails that Amtrak is applying for government aid to clean up the aftermath.
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It all started off innocently enough. One of our favorite writers and Twitter personalities @BrokeyMcPoverty inquired about the most amazing thing anyone has ever done while drunk. Elon recalled beating the brakes off some poor chap in “Street Fighter II” while knocking back some Whiskey.
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That turned into a drunken Street Fighter/Bourbon tournament challenge (that should TOTALLY happen, btw) and then all hell broke loose into a sexually explicit group think.
You don't want this ma'am. RT @brokeymcpoverty: @elonjames one day. me. you. street fighter II turbo. bourbon. no holds barred. FIGHT.—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
Twitter avatars were getting punched in the face with vaginas and one of the best hentai porn scripts ever was conceived on Twitter.
The casting went something like this…
Dhalsim as Dirk Diggler
! RT @brokeymcpoverty: @vandeand @elonjames WAIT what about dhalsim? if his arms and legs can lengthen like that what does that mean for his—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
T-Hawk is out there going down face-first
@elonjames @brokeymcpoverty I'd be all about T. Hawk. He'd fly down from the sky and PIN YOU TO THE GROUND!—
[redacted] (@vandeand) September 04, 2013
M. Bison was outted as a human dildo..
@elonjames but on a serious serious note, you know m. bison was putting it down right? just teleport all up in the pussy.—
Brokey McPoverty (@brokeymcpoverty) September 04, 2013
@brokeymcpoverty @elonjames He definitely was a Dom. The way he crosses his arms and glares? Yeah. He's got whips in his basement.—
[redacted] (@vandeand) September 04, 2013
Guile and Chun Li are an item
Guile was sprung. RT @brokeymcpoverty: @AnimainSparkstr @elonjames i bet chun li's bed game was fie. them legs? shiet.—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
As are Ken & Ryu…
Ryu, in order to deal with his hidden feelings for Ken BECAME EVIL RYU! If they just let the dudes hangout in the Dojo alone for a while…—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
#Valid. RT @mfpseth: .@vandeand @elonjames @brokeymcpoverty You can't spell "Hadoken" without "Do Ken." #caseclosed—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
Even poor Akuma was thrown under the tournament bus. Elon did try to restore some order…
This ain't even #TwitterAfterDark. This is like #TwitterAfterDarkInTheArcadeWhileWatchingAnime—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
My favorite flavor of Ice cream is Cookie & Cream #TopicChange—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
Is that a dolphin? #TopicChange—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
But it was too late. E. Honda was outted..
HAHAHAHAHAHA. #Valid. RT @polerin: @elonjames all I have to say is that E. Honda was fond of hanging out in bath houses….—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
As were Zangief and Fei Long
Sir. RT @AnimainSparkstr: @elonjames Wait til you hear about the time Zangief took Fei Long and made him his twink for a night—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
And evidently the Vega put the “Bi” in Bison…
HA. Vega was a playa. He had M. Bison turnt out. RT @NataTheScribe: @elonjames We’re going to act like Vega & Balrog weren’t an item either?—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
There will even be Fisting…and not in the way you think
Goodnight Everybody. RT @Elion_King: @elonjames So…Shoryuken: best way to fist someone, or worst?—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
Even some Mortal Kombat characters got drafted…
Oh dear… RT @brokeymcpoverty: !!! LIU KANG THO! RT @Twirlisha: @brokeymcpoverty Raiden could get it if he kept the hat on.—
Elon James White (@elonjames) September 04, 2013
Luckily, CNN’s Don Lemon tweeted his haircut and derailed the conversation before the “Tekken” and “Samurai Shodown” crews were put on the stroll. All we have to say is that we are seriously considering going as M. Bison for Halloween this year.
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How To Make A Street Fighter Porno In 12 Easy Tweets was originally published on theurbandaily.com