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The inevitable is coming….the weekend. And we here at the Word Eye Heard want to make sure you’re prepared for your club visit. No one wants to be “that guy,” who ruins the night, so we have some tips to get you through your Saturday. You’re welcome.

5. You Get Sleepy Early

All the guys are out at the club, ready to get chicks and have a good time…and you’re already yawning. Bummer. You can’t ruin the boys night out, so what do you do?

There’s a perfect solution to your problem. Break out those stunner shades and pretend to be so turnt up that you have simply turned down. That’s totally believable, and everyone will understand.

NO THEY WON’T! Listen, if it’s 11:30 and you’re already to put your jammies on and call it a night, do yourself a favor. Next Saturday, take a nap, wake up, then take a good look in the mirror and sit your old ass down and watch Wheel of Fortune, because this night life ain’t for you.

4. You See Your Side Chick With Her Main Dude

The nerve of this heffa, to go out in public with the man who actually claims her! You’re busy feeling up new girls to put on the sideline, and your main side chick is in the same vicinity! This is gonna be awkward….

We’ve got an answer for that! You have to keep everything cool, right? So walk right up to your side chick, shake her man’s hand, and pretend to be her bestie. That’s totally believable, and she’ll love you more for it.

NO SHE WON’T! She’s your side chick for a reason; if she’s in the club with her man, you ignore her! Everyone knows side chicks want you more when you don’t show them any attention. I bet you’ll get a call tonight.

3. Your Wingman Ditched You

Who’s gonna take the L and talk to the fat chick now?? There’s no one to distract the lonely, hating best friend while you get the number! How can a smoother operator work his magic without his right-hand man there to make it easy for him?

No worries; we got you covered. This is a blessing in disguise. Without the wingman, you can finally take a chance and talk to the fat chick, or the hating best friend. You never know, she probably has an amazing personality. Everyone will be so happy for you.

NO THEY WON’T! Hey stupid, you know what you need to do if you’re distraught that your wingman ditched you? Take out your phone and book an appointment with a therapist, because you obviously need more self-esteem if you think you need another MAN to help you get WOMEN.

2. You Buy Her Drinks All Night But Don’t Get the Number

How many drinks will it take her to leave with you….? None! So now what? You’ve spent all your fun money, and you’re going home alone.

Listen, at this point, just make sure you leave the bartender a huge tip. Don’t think of it as a waste; at least you provided entertainment for a lovely young lady and her companions. Charge it to the game. It happens to everyone.

NO IT DOESN’T! But you, my friend, have a golden opportunity here. There’s an easy solution to this problem. On payday, buy some wifi and a laptop, go to a SugarBabies website (they do exist), and find a nice young lady to trick on. Since you like wasting money on these hoes, at least get some sex out of it.

1. She Rejects You in Front of EVERYONE.

Well, this is embarrassing. You built up liquid courage to go talk to this super bad chick, and not only did she not want you, but she made sure everyone knew she didn’t want you. How does one bounce back from such public misfortune?

We’ve been there, and the best thing to do at this point is to pick your face up as best you can and call it a night. If at first you don’t succeed, just give up. Maybe next time. Everyone will understand.

NO THEY WON’T! Everyone real man knows there’s only one thing to do when a woman intentionally embarrasses you in front of everyone in the club. It is the only way to gain your confidence back, and walk away with dignity and respect. Once she’s done laughing at you with her friends, you look her in the eye, take a deep breath, and say “Well f*ck you B!TCH, I ain’t want you ANYWAY!” And storm off. Thuglife.

I’m lilD, and that’s the Word Eye Heard. Happy Saturday!

via TheWordEyeHeard

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