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Robert Kelly is a lot of things. Musical genius? Perhaps. The King of RnB? One could argue. A pedophile? Clearly. You saw the tape. You would think that after going to trial for allegedly urinating on and sexing underage girls, he would stop singing about sex. Nope, not R. Kelly! His new album, Black Panties, is just as disgusting and sexually overt as the others. So what is it about little kids that continues to inspire Kells to sing about sexing them…? 

#WordEyeHeard Presents: Top 5 Reasons R. Kelly Likes Little Girls

5. They Can’t Join the Cast of ‘Hollywood Exes’

Can you imagine all those kids R. Kelly picked up from Kenwood Academy (a high school) on television, telling every detail of Kells’ sexcapades with them? Picture it; four 14-year-olds go to Chuck E. Cheese’s for a quick lunch before 4th period, and they’re comparing stories of ass-eating and urination. It’s reality tv gold! But since Robert likes his women…..(women, LOL) under 18, this tv show will never happen. Instead, it’s been replaced with VH1’s “Hollywood Exes,” which stars R. Kelly’s ex-wife Andrea. She’s said nothing about him peeing on kids, and I’m sure she won’t. So R thinks he’s free to pee.

R Kelly likes little girls because they’re still afraid of their parents, and wouldn’t dare get on television for the world to know R. Kelly did them like his jeep.

4. He Has a Weakness for Baby Hairs

There aren’t many beautiful women with natural baby hairs. You got Chilli from TLC,

Lil Kim,

Ginuwine,

Sorry. LOL

But none of these people would work. Too famous. Can’t pee on anyone famous. So who does R.Kelly marry? His backup singer Andrea, who has baby hairs that would rival any 7th grader. And she’s damn proud of those baby hairs! Even when she wraps her hair up, those baby hairs are showing.

Even Robert tried to lay his nappy ass baby hairs down! It’s an epidemic!

So you see, it makes sense that Robert’s hunting ground would be middle schools and high schools. Baby hairs were an important part of adolescence, as was being peed on by an R&B superstar for some.

R. Kelly likes little girls because it’s easier to buy a lifetime supply of Jam gel and barrettes than Giuseppe heels and silence.

3. They’re on the Same Reading Level

Everyone wants to be with someone on the same level, but we didn’t know that meant “reading level” until Robert Kelly came along. He admitted that he can’t read well (yet he somehow “wrote a book”), so the Nancy Drew novels and Goosebumps thrillers of a preteen would be right up his alley.

R. Kelly likes little girls because his victims partners probably still have their copy of Reading Rainbow, so this is a win-win. He gets to pee freely, while being mentally stimulated.

Speaking of which…

2. They Help With His Songwriting

Regardless of his being a pedophile, no one can deny that R. Kelly has written some amazing songs. But in between marrying teenagers and filming himself committing statutory rape, when did he find time to write “You Remind Me” or “Ignition?” He had 8th graders help him.

How old were you when you learned metaphors in school…? Think about it. Kids know all the different ways to describe sex. You don’t really think “let me stick my key in your ignition” came from a grown ass man’s mind, do you?

Who references their “mama” in a song about sex? Middle school students.

All those chapters of “Trapped in the Closet??” When’s the last time you read a book with over 23 chapters? This whole thing was clearly a kid’s idea.

Who the hell is dumb enough to believe they can fly…? People who still believe in Santa and the Easter Bunny.

This was my 5th grade graduation song. SMH

And for my final trick…

R. Kelly wrote “Age Ain’t Nothin But a Number” for Aaliyah. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out a person’s age is comprised of numbers. It takes a kid. I’m sure when R. Kelly asked his victims partners how old they were, they said “this many!”

The only question is, do you think the songwriting session was before, or after, he peed on them?

R. Kelly likes little girls because he gets unlimited access to their English homework. Speaking of which…

1. He Knows You Don’t Really Care

R. Kelly married Aaliyah when she was 15. He went to court after tapes surfaced of him having sex with and urinating on a 14-year old surfaced.  And what did he do the moment all the allegations came out? Released a double CD of stepping and gospel music…..

…that sold 5 million copies worldwide. Don’t front like you don’t own Happy People/U Saved Me.

Heaven, he needed a hug. Was there anybody out there willing to embrace a thug…?

Yes. All you grown heffas who pretended R. Kelly could ever love someone who’s gone through puberty.

But remember; he has some “19 year old friends.” 19, not 39.

And as he prepared for the release of his super-sex-filled album Black Panties, Lady Gaga had no problem letting him hump her.

Ew.

You grown women allowed R. Kelly to come out with an album about some underwear, where every song is about filthy sex with 14 year olds. And your only justification is that the teenagers must’ve liked it.

R. Kelly likes little girls. The end.

I’m lilD, and that’s the Word Eye Heard. I believe I can fly. To a country where pedophiles go to jail.

via TheWordEyeHeard

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