(Words from Rodigga) – We all been thru this on again off again roller coaster! But you have to know how to spot a “friend” who is not really being a friend…by using you! There’s a long list of ways we’d like to deal with these type of friends…but just in case you need some insight – check out these 5!
– Courtesy of http://www.hellobeautiful.com
You know the type. The friend that calls you up and always seems to have a problem. They want you to “do a favor” for them, but this isn’t the first time they’ve asked. The “favor” always benefits them, but sometimes it’s not worth your time, especially when you have other things to do. They’re constantly sucking you dry with their issues, running up your phone bill, asking you to drive them places, and basically just using you to their benefit. However, whenever you need to talk or need them to help you out with something, they’re conveniently busy or just keep discussing their own life. Being friends with this person is a drain on your life, but it’s sometimes hard to recognize that you’re being manipulated, especially if you’re really close to them. It’s a cycle that’s hard to break, but you need to know what to look for before you know if it’s happening to you.
Here are some general traits of manipulators and how you can stop this from happening in your life:
1. They constantly have to reassure you that “you’re the best!” or that you’re “saving their life!” If this doesn’t happen very often and you legitimately are doing them a decent favor, than that’s fine. However, if this happens all the time, you’re getting walked all over because the favors are not going to stop. If you like doing favors, then that’s okay for you, but if you’re constantly being guilt-tripped into doing it because you’ve helped them out before, then that’s the kiss of death.
2. They guilt-trip you. Like I said before, if you’ve helped them out before and that’s the only reason they want you to help over and over again, then this isn’t a healthy system. You should be helping people because you like them and want to do good by them, not because the other party is expecting you to be the “helpful friend” 24/7. For instance, if they ask you to drop everything and give them a ride somewhere just because you have a car and have driven them around before, then make you feel bad for not being available – that’s a guilt trip and they don’t want you for you. They want you for your car and that’s not something you want to become a precedent.
3. They only talk to you when they need to vent or want something. The rest of the time, they aren’t listening, even if you’ve had a good day and wanted to share that with them. The friendship isn’t very balanced since they especially aren’t around if you’re having a bad time and need to vent, as well. It’s kind of like you’re their therapist and person to dump things on, not their friend to share the good and the bad like in a healthy relationship. You should be able to be happy or sad and they’re willing to chat, not one or the other. If you’re spending your time listening to them, but they’re not for you, then your friendship is very one-sided.
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