Time. It’s the most valuable thing you can allow yourself in this process. Forget the myths that say it’ll take you half the relationship’s course to get over him. Take all the minutes, hours, days and months you need.
Immerse yourself in your passion. While healing, use that same time wisely. If you’re an artist, paint. If you’re a poet, scribe. If you’re a businesswoman, retreat to your office. If you’re a dreamer, live.
Treat yourself. Enjoy a dinner date, movie, museum or any event/venue you enjoy, alone. ALONE. Get to know yourself again. In the midst of an open mike, let an angry love poem speak to you, let laughter burst your insides during comedy and hum along to a familiar song. Sit at Barnes and Noble; take in the beginning of a book you aren’t sure you’ll buy, sip on a latte and smile at an onlooker. Remember what it’s like to be an individual again before you commit to anyone else.
Play your jams. This isn’t the time for Donell Jones, Jesse Boykins III, Raheem Devaughn or Trey. You need some Jill Scott’s “Golden,” India Arie’s “Get it Together” and/or Chrisette Michelle’s “Be Ok.” We have a tendency to listen to brothers croon about love and its hardships during emotional rapture. No. Get your jam on to something empowering, put your headphones on and sing loud enough for apartment 5B to hear.
Hit the gym. Speaking of headphones and moving around, grab your sweats, keep jamming and hit the cardio. Exercise releases endorphins: These are your body’s feel good hormones and they decrease stress. After exercise, your endorphins will give you a feeling of euphoria and state of well-being.
Hang with friends and family. Your loved ones will always make you smile. Schedule dates with your mom, sister, cousins, and girlfriends for a chat. Tell them about your tribulations, indulge in a brunch that features gossip and anecdotes or lay in your mother’s arms and let her embrace do the talking.
Spirituality. For all my sisters who follow the gospel: Find your way to the pew, take your troubles to your higher power and join the congregation belting melodies to the sky.
Chocolate, fruit and/or chocolate covered fruit. It’s not only for that time of the month. Go Godiva, Hershey and Edible Arrangements it up!
Plan, organize and execute. Getting your social, academic, financial and career lives in order will most certainly take your mind off things. When you’re out of the funk, you’ll be happy at the progression you’ve made.
Smile. Sometimes when you’re down, simply smiling and pretending your spirit is up can make the fallacy become true. Plus, you never know who’s checking for your pearly whites.
When love goes awry, we are prone to sullenness. We don’t have to be. You have the right to swallow it whole, digest your yesterday and move on for tomorrow. You are a future dalliance that will bloom motherhood, marriage and real romance. Season. Blossom. Grow.
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