“Do you still love me?” “Do you want to break up?” “Do you want to get back together?” These questions and others like them are inquiries that should never be asked unless you are prepared to hear both answers.
By the time these questions are asked, the answer is never going to be good. Yet, I have counseled so many couples and continue to speak to people on a daily basis who ask these questions. The hope is that they are just being insecure and the answer will be the one they want. However, when the answer is not the one they are looking for, they exhibit behavior that is not very attractive and can be humiliating.
If you suspect that your partner does not love you anymore, is seeing someone else, or you are unsure if your ex wants to get back together and the uncertainty is driving you crazy, then, by all means, ask. Just make sure you are prepared for any answer. To not be prepared for the worst possible news is to be in denial. Denial can lead to wishing for something that you know is not going to happen.
Do not make a fool of yourself. Ask the question, but be prepared for the wrong answer. You should also be prepared to act with grace and dignity if the answer is not what you expect. You are not a fool, which is why you are starting to realize you need to ask these questions. But, do not ask them without preparation and without giving yourself time to fully absorb what your partner might say and what it is going to mean for you and your relationship.
Rehearse with a friend. Mull it over. Figure it out. You should know that the wrong answer means that this person is NOT for you. You should not be thinking that you are not good enough, or somehow deficient, if your partner says something that you do not want to hear. Do not take the wrong answer to mean you are less than you are.
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