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According to the Loudoun County Sheriff’s police report, the man was trying to leave the store with jeans and earbud headphones when employees caught him and took the items back. They called the cops as the guy made a run for it.

He apparently got into the driver’s side of a waiting pickup truck with a man from Florida in the passenger’s seat, and started to drive away. His luck went sour again when the truck’s muffler “dislodged,” says the report, so he pulled behind a store, stopped the vehicle and got out to fix it. (Lesson here, get your ish fixed before you try to rob a store lol!)

The other man hopped into the driver’s seat “and drove the truck forward at the request of the New Yorker and struck him.” The injured man got back in the car and the twosome drove away again, but then had to stop and call for medical assistance. The alleged would-be robber is in the hospital in serious condition, say cops.

Walmart has declined to prosecute the other man, say cops. Perhaps because he’s been punished enough. The Florida man isn’t so lucky. He’s been identified as Robert V. Lyons, and charged with reckless driving.

What do you think about this mess?

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