The onions, restaurants and movies
You only have so many years and so many breaths. Do you really want to waste them on deciding whether or not to put more onions in the sauce, to go to the Ethiopian place or the Italian, or to see the action or the drama movie? Think about it: you’re going to feel just as happy at the end of the experience whether you got your way or not—at the end of the night, you’ve usually forgotten that you ever wanted Italian food in the first place. Those little things never make even a noticeable difference in the end. But fighting about them can make a big difference in how much you enjoy the night, and each other overall.
Wondering if you’re loved
You read into the way his text was worded, the fact that he came over an hour later than he said he would, and that he wanted to go away for the weekend with friends. You start a fight over it but, it’s never really about any of those things. It’s about you worrying that they are signs he doesn’t love you anymore. Look: you cannot control if someone is going to just stop loving you one day. And if they do, it will be very clear. Clearer than an ambiguously worded text or his late arrival to your apartment. Believe that he loves you until he says otherwise. You and him will enjoy the ride much more. And he might stop loving you just because you became so paranoid about it.
Relationships don’t break from the outside—they break from the inside. We always just blame the outside. If your man is going to cheat, it’s because he’s looking for it. It’s not because the one person who would provoke him to do so was put in his sight. If your man loves you and the relationship is stable, you shouldn’t worry about him spending time with other women. Again: just like if a man is going to stop loving you and you can’t control it, you can’t control if one will cheat either. It will or won’t happen, and you can either enjoy yourself while the relationship lasts or you can make it a living hell by getting jealous.
Spending time apart
So many fights start over the fact that a couple might be apart for just one night. You’re mad because if he’d just left earlier he would have missed traffic and made it over in time. Or because if he’d just had one less drink he would have been able to drive to you. But, try this: just go to sleep. Just say, “No worries, I’ll see you tomorrow” and you’ll be amazed how over it you are in the morning. If this is someone you’re going to spend your life with,one night is nothing in the big scheme of things. But fighting over it can linger for a week, and then you don’t enjoy the nights you do spend together.
Getting upset over being upset
We all become completely irrational women sometimes and get mad over little things, (like the little things listed above.) And, while you should try to control that, if and when it does happen, don’t then spiral deeper into a pit of fury and frustration because now, on top of being mad about what you were mad about, you’re mad at yourself for getting mad. Apologize to your man for overreacting and move on. You’re a woman. You can’t escape it and your man knows (or should know) that. You’d be surprised: our fits stay with us far longer than they stay with our men. Let it go: he probably has.
Sex every night
You’re horny. Like, really horny. But your man is falling into a seriously deep slumber, or he’s distracted by emails or really just wants to chill. You can A) Just unzip his pants and do something about it yourself B) Put it on ice andgo to sleep or C) Throw a hissy fit, say “You don’t find me attractive anymore!” and “We don’t have enough sex!” (a comment that immediately makes a man go soft for a week). Throwing a fit over sex is never worth it. It never gets you laid and it always makes you look demanding and insensitive. It’s just one night. And, there is always option A: if you want it so bad, just take it. Don’t cry because he didn’t initiate.
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