We don’t necessarily want to think of you as our “daddy.”

Women who are into the whole “daddy” thing are bizarrely over-represented on film. Pro tip: Most of us aren’t feelin’ it. I was had to deal with an episode of “daddy talk” during one particularly romantic evening. After a night of partying, a gentleman and I humped (oh, excuse me, “made love”) on his disgusting bathroom floor. After 30 seconds of half-baked sex he decided this was the moment to bust out some full-on Freudian language. If I had a penis, my boner would have shriveled up inside of me like a grape in the sunshine. Never, ever, ever, do I want to think of the man who gave me half of my DNA while I’m having sex. I know a lot of women — a lot of freaky women — who are into everything Dr. Laura would frown upon, but none of them are down with the daddy talk.

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Remember that sexy time you fell asleep right after finishing? 

Every once and a while some “scientific study” comes out explaining to women why we are bound to be the weaker sex forever. We love studies like these, they’re awesome. Just kidding!

In the Journal of Social, Evolutionary and Cultural Psychologyone “study” found that men may fall asleep first to avoid commitment conversations out of the fear of a woman’s superior verbal abilities. “If men actively avoid commitment promises in post-coital conversation, this could increase the likelihood of women ending the relationship… Hastening sleep onset may evade this adverse effect,” wrote the researchers. I’d slap you, “science,” but you may mistake this for a high-five. Look, whether you are gay, straight, male, female, or Jamie Lee Curtis, passing out after your orgasm without tending to your partner is selfish and undignified. She may act like she’s OK with it, but chances are she is definitely not. Sex is give and take, back and forth. You should enjoy giving pleasure as much as you enjoy receiving and if you don’t, then you need to evaluate how much you really even really like the person you’re getting naked next to.

If it wasn’t a sexy dream starring us, we don’t want to hear about it.

Nobody wants to hear about your dreams. Multiply this concept of “nobody” by a million when it comes to someone you have just started dating. Nobody cares that you had a nightmare where your fifth grade teacher and a pack of headless geese were chasing you through an airport. Nobody cares that you dreamed that you were Beyonce’s toilet. Unless you have some psychic dream that dictates the exact winning numbers for the lottery, or had a dream where we an all-powerful sex goddess, please keep it to yourself.

We may be into toys, but not with a guy we hardly know.

Like most moves in the sack, it’s best to test the water before diving in head first. Introducing a sex toy to the mix should be done with careful, unhurried communication, which simply means that you should feel out the situation first. Sex is all about your intuition. Pay attention to her body and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want. Depending on the nature of your relationship, your ability to communicate will differ. Trust is the name of the game when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, a lot of people (especially those who are not quite at their peak of sexual confidence) don’t offer their desires straight up, so be wise and read between the lines when you need to.

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